Gather round, creative thinkers and bitter parents whose spouses insisted on their own stupid baby-name choices. Mrs. Butterworth has amnesia, and wants us to come up her first name. The winner of the Guess Mrs. Butterworth's First Name Contest gets $500 and a year's supply of her sweet syrup. (I'm not sure how that's calculated, but it appears to be worth $50. Not bad—much more than I'd consume.) You can enter until July 17. What isn't so clear is whether the portly, anthropomorphic vessel actually has a first name—or ever did. The press release is rather slippery, much like the Pinnacle Foods Group's buttery pancake topping. The winner will be the person who guesses the "right" name and, as in algebra class, he or she must show how they arrived at their answer. "We're hoping that one winner will have the correct guess with the best reasoning," the release says. How does "reasoning" factor into a lucky guess? If Mrs. Butterworth's true name is, say, Eleanor, could the commission be swayed to believe something sassy and modern—let's say, Madison—might balance her frumpy hair bun and grandmotherly apron? My best guess? Anything but Jemima.
—Posted by Becky Ebenkamp