Forget Wal-Mart. Dolly Parton has selected Cracker Barrel as the exclusive retailer for her new CD. While artists like Bruce Springsteen and AC/DC have inked deals with the mega-retailer, Parton has chosen to partner with the 588-location "Old Country Store" to distribute the disc, called Backwoods Barbie—Collector's Edition. The CD includes three new instant classics, including "Berry Pie." But wait, there's more. For just $24.99, customers can purchase the "Official Collector's Edition Dolly Parton Photo Album." But wait, there's even more. Fans can also purchase a limited-edition pink rocking chair that's been "skillfully assembled by Tennessee craftsman." Only 1,350 have been made, so hurry to the nearest interstate (where most Cracker Barrels are) now! They're only $199 each. What are you waiting for? OK. In all seriousness, if Cracker Barrel really wanted to generate a lot of traffic to its stores, it would allow people to come in and destroy any remaining copies of Parton's grating hit "9 to 5," thus insuring that no one would have to hear it ever again.
—Posted by Kenneth Hein