Mom not pulling her weight? Just get another one, from Kleenex

Sorry, Peggy, but I have another mother now, and her name is Jessica. She's more of a BFF, really, and I don't even know if she can cook, but she sure can dish. She might not cure me of this evil cold with chicken soup and cherry Jell-O (Peggy specialties), but she can distract me from my misery with gossip and a mani-pedi. This scenario brought to you by Kleenex, which recently launched a promotion called Get Mommed that sounded so intriguing, I tossed aside my long-suffering mother for a virtual one. (That'll be our secret, OK?) The idea behind the campaign is that we could all use a little extra mothering during cold and flu season, and of course, we'd look online for that kind of comfort. (It's wish fulfillment for anyone who's ever wanted to switch moms after getting dirt rubbed off their faces with a spit-soaked hankie). I picked my new mom from a stable of stereotypes, and I now await her barrage of digital advice and/or pats on the head while I convalesce. Note to Kimberly-Clark: This site needs work, big time. And note to Jessica: Empathy's welcome, but if you try to make me clean my room, I'm out!

—Posted by T.L. Stanley