Dane Cook's iPhone app is more Dane Cook than anyone needs

So, Apple finds itself in a bit of hot water this week over that tasteless iPhone app the Baby Shaker, which had to be dumped when it was called to the marketer's attention that re-enacting child abuse is, well, kind of wrong. Oh, those party pooping kid-welfare folks! Anyway, while I'm not exactly equating the two, there's a complaint I'd like to file about another new offering at Apple's App Store called Dane Cook Global, which gives you exclusive videos, photos and text updates from the comedian during his Isolated Incident: Global Thermo Comedy Tour, starting Saturday.
  If you so choose, you can use the app to follow Dane's tour on an interactive map, talk with Dane and other fans about what's going on, get real-time venue information, download wallpapers for the phone, listen to Dane's tracks with an option to buy on iTunes, purchase tickets and merchandise, set up 411 alerts and more, according to a breathy press release. Insert dramatic eye roll here. Come on, people, nobody needs this much Dane Cook.
  "The app lets me share what it's really like to go on tour, from standing in front of 20,000 screaming fans to playing video games backstage after a long day," Cook said in a statement about the deal, via Zannel mobile service, which reportedly is the first made by a comedian for an iPhone and iPod app. The release is selling the product hard, with the line, "Dane Cook is a relevant film and television actor as well," in case you need that extra shove to part with your hard-earned $2.99. (But do they really want to draw attention to Employee of the Month?) If you ask me, it's too bad Apple couldn't have found a way to combine Dane Cook Global and the Baby Shaker, allowing us to scramble the brains of the obnoxious stand-up comic with the flick of a wrist. Now I'd pay extra for that.

—Posted by T.L. Stanley