iPhone app lets you squash the greedy bankers on Wall Street

Do you have some pent-up aggression from the current economic morass and don't feel like forking over $99 for a smashable Bernie Madoff doll? Seems like that thing should come in a more modestly priced voodoo version, complete with stickpins the size of machetes. Anyway, there's a bargain alternative in the iPhone app store called Squash the $treet, where the object of the game is to beat the "crooked bankers, brokers and corporate frauds into a bloody pulp." (Digitally speaking, of course.) It comes from Last Legion Games, Santa Monica, Calif., which also created the massive multi-player game for the iPhone based on Warner Bros.' action flick, Watchmen.

Since you may feel like you're fighting for your financial life in the real world, you can transfer that to the Squash the $treet app, where bringing the hammer down on companies like Leave  'Em Bros., Shadygroup and Ferral Wench will keep you out of bankruptcy. The game won't replace all that lost 401K cash, but at least the vicarious thrill of obliterating various Wall Street institutions won't dent your pocket book much.

—Posted by T. L. Stanley

When it rains, he pours

Ladybird Johnson may be rolling around in her grave screaming "blight!" but this bleeding billboard has purportedly saved lives in Papakura, New Zealand. Highway deaths typically increase around Easter during the area's rainy season, so agency Colenso BBDO, Auckland, created pro bono billboards to remind drivers to slow down and "drive to the conditions" during inclement weather. The gimmick? When the rain kicks in, the ads leech "blood" thanks to a material embedded in the billboard, which give the boy a weepy and grisly post-accident appearance.

—Posted by Becky Ebenkamp

Can you resist exploring Tanqueray's world of ever-changing layers of flavor?

 Tanqueray's "Resist Simple" ad campaign, which launched just before Independence Day weekend, celebrates "people who detour from the status quo, the predictable, the ordinary." You know, just like Pacifico beer did. The liquor brand's first global marketing effort paints their consumers as urbane sophisticates who like variety, which they'll conveniently find in the imported gin's "layers of flavor." Of course, if I had a nickel for every time some company or other told me their product was proof of my adventurous bachelor lifestyle, I'd be posting this from the tropical island I would own by now. Lately, there's been a glut of brands telling me this, and their examples of cool, spontaneous people, Tanqueray's included, have this smarmy, young Hugh Hefner vibe to them that I don't appreciate. Aren't there less obvious ways of getting this message across? And if not, could they at least wait until every other liquor brand under the sun isn't doing the exact same thing anymore?

—Posted by David Kiefaber

Hey kids, are you ready to rock (and talk about lung cancer)?

The American Legacy Foundation is launching an all-ages musical interlude this summer for its anti-tobacco brand truth at small venues as an offshoot of its Vans Warped Tour sponsorship. To keep butts out of teens' mouths, the latest tactic puts butts in seats at free concerts with minimal subliminal messaging about the perils of Pall Malls et al. The first truth's Live Playlist gig, held June 24 at Los Angeles' Knitting Factory, was a private concert for about 1,000 teens featuring headliner Escape The Fate (whose 2006 debut album was titled "Dying is Your Latest Fashion.") Sing it Loud, I Set My Friends On Fire and The Blackouts also appeared on the bill. Teens got tix by signing up at www.thetruth.com. The Hollywood event featured games with truth tchotchke prizes, a fashion show and cig-inspired art installations dubbed Weapons of Mass Destruction. On one club wall, a petition collected signatures to rechristen Lung Cancer more literally as "Big Tobacco Disease" (See picture above.) Marketing agency The Ad*itive also helped with the effort. Truth has been kickin' the nicotine habit for a decade with Arnold (originally the work was shared by the Boston-based agency and Crispin Porter + Bogusky, Miami). Finding new ways to drive the anti-smoking message to youth in economical, unexpected ways is a continual challenge after 10 years of groundbreaking guerrilla efforts.  "The moment you become stagnant is the moment you become irrelevant," said Tahir Moore, truth marketer for the event and the Warped Tour.

—Posted by Becky Ebenkamp

And now, Michael Jackson's final product endorsement

One of the more unusual (the term is relative) factoids to emerge from yesterday's memorial service for Michael Jackson in Los Angeles proves that, for some of us, top-of-the-line brands matter until the very end-in this case, our conveyance to the pearly gates. The general media made much of the fact that the casket of the deceased pop king was a 24-karat gold model widely reported to be "custom made." Alas, branding novices, the truth is that The Promethian—the top-of-the-line model of Indiana's Batesville Casket Co.—can be had by anyone willing to plunk down the $25,000 it costs to have one. When you call, just ask for model no. Z94-665-LH. Be prepared to specify your choice of velvet interior-lining color: Dark Green, Shasta Lily, Blue Onyx, or Spitfire Red (the Jackson family chose the blue.) The casket (pictured here) is continuously welded bronze that's plated in 14- (sorry, not 24) karat gold, and features a fully adjustable mattress. Batesville's been having a fine fiscal year-its second-quarter 2008 revenues were up 5.6 percent to $191.4 million-though not, apparently, because of a surging demand for Promethians. "The increased revenue was favorably impacted by a more typical pneumonia and influenza season," according to a press release.

—Posted by Robert Klara

If union-busting had a taste, it would be like Stella D'oro

The big news in the Bronx today is that the plant that the Stella D’oro Biscuit Co. will shut its doors this October. The move looks like a final FU to union workers who have been striking since last August. After a judge last week ordered the owners to reinstate the workers, the owner announced the plant was going to cease production in three months, which is the capitalist equivalent of “I’m gonna take my ball and go home.” Despite this latest episode, it’s worth remembering that Stella D’oro was once a top cookie brand. In fact, back when there were only three TV networks, it was something of a fixture, right up there with the “ancient Chinese secret” Calgon lady. Two ads from the 70s still resonate, including an ad in which a wife is unimpressed by expensive gifts like a new car or a gold watch, but warms to a bag of the company’s Swiss Fudge Cookies and a second one recounted here by Patton Oswalt (beware: this clip contains potty mouth) in which a depressed middle aged woman asserts that Stella D’Oro’s Breakfast Treats are good anytime, not just at breakfast. While those two ads are MIA, a somewhat more recent one on YouTube (shown here) shows a woman noisily eating her Stella D'oro Breadsticks during a symphony. All very memorable ads. But alas, great advertising will only take you so far. That’s just the way the cookie crumbles.

—Posted by Todd Wasserman

Pacifico Beer reminds you to enjoy an epic adventure responsibly

Pacifico Beer has just announced its Epic Adventure Photo contest, which is almost exactly what it sounds like. Consumers can submit pictures of their epic adventures to Pacifico's website, where a panel of judges, including Surfer magazine photo editor Grant Ellis, hand out prizes including surfboards, magazine subscriptions and a grand prize trip to Hawaii with longboard whiz Joel Tudor. It's ironic and yet fitting that Pacifico, a beer for traveling "off the beaten path," is asking for consumer-created content and offering a grand prize trip like countless other American brands right now. Not to mention that getting a decent picture of an "epic adventure" would be pretty hard, and dangerous. I'd hate to fall out of my hang glider because the guy responsible for strapping me in was too busy dithering around with his camera settings. But at least they tried to make the contest fair by excluding Californians "for legal reasons," because anyone driving the I-405 to work would win automatically.

 

-Posted by David Kiefaber

Another Idiot Uses Jackson's Death to Peddle His Book

If Joe Jackson can use his son Michael's death as a platform to pimp his new business venture, that makes it kind of tough -- but still justified -- to wag the finger at others doing the same. This one caught my eye today, sent via news release, which launched with the statement: "The unfolding of Michael Jackson's will and estate, and the confusion surrounding it, is a stark reminder of the importance of providing a plan for those we leave behind."

Yes, it's a shill for The Complete Idiot's Guide to Wills and Estates from Penguin Group and its author, Stephen Maples, who is "available to comment on the process Michael Jackson's family or others will have to contend with" when a loved one unexpectedly kicks.

Not to assume that the fourth edition of this tome doesn't contain lots of useful tidbits about taxes and trusts, but come on, people. Looks like somebody needs to pick up a copy of The Complete Idiot's Guide to Etiquette.

—Posted by T. L. Stanley

Fiat Thinks Up New Ways to Dodge Failure in Restructuring Efforts

Would you rather have an Alfa Romeo or a Dodge? Fiat is allegedly banking on the fact that European consumers will purchase Dodge vehicles bearing the fabled Alfa Romeo badge. There are reports that Chrysler’s Dodge brand could possibly be rebranded in Europe as Alfa Romeo. Fiat, which took over Chrysler’s assets, is considering this as an option for restructuring Chrysler. The rationale appears to be: If the Dodge brand struggled to be profitable here in the states, why would anyone think it would be successful elsewhere? Still, I understand if they want to rebadge the Viper, but besides that and possibly the Charger, would hatchback loving Europeans really be interested in gas guzzling behemoths? Is the plan to completely ruin Chrysler and bring down Alfa Romeo at the same time? As consumers become savvier about marketing strategies and have the latest news about a product at their fingertips, it seems strange that Fiat thinks that just dashing the Dodge name will turn things around.

—Posted by Philip Mathew

Newly appreciated McD's ad seems to advocate killing your wife

Put a fish into a McDonald’s ad and wackiness will ensue. The fast feeder got kudos earlier this year for a strange ad with a singing, wall-mounted fish and now this 2006 McDonald's spot has been resurfacing via e-mail forwards and social networks. I received the spot in an e-mail that dubs it the "greatest McDonald's ad ever." Not sure if I agree wholeheartedly, but it’s better than most. The ad shows a fisherman about to be attacked by some kind of huge sea creature. But instead the creature snatches his McDonald's meal, leaving only a bite mark where the bag used to sit. The man gets a bright idea to invite his nagging wife to the next fishing trip and hands her a McDonald's meal, while he waits for the creature to strike again. The ad ends with the tagline, "Every time a good time," and the moral of the story becomes pretty clear: If you want to use your spouse as bait, buy McDonald's to lure the predator.

—Posted by Elena Malykhina