Studios fail to deliver the goods with trailers on the Super Bowl

Even Hollywood's marketing machine can't compete with Betty White. Combine Betty White with Abe Vigoda? Forget it! The reviews are in for the commercials that aired during Super Bowl XLIV, and the Snickers spot with the above-named octogenarians tops many lists for the most memorable, most entertaining and most body-snatching. What didn't fare so well? Big-studio ads for would-be blockbuster movies. Entertainment Weekly doesn't have a movie ad in its Best 5 (though there's not one in the Worst 5 either), and viewers who vote in the annual USA Today poll didn't get around to a film trailer until No. 31 (Disney's Alice in Wonderland). Other ads fared even worse, with Disney's Prince of Persia coming in at No. 44, and Universal's The Wolfman at No. 53. (And that's out of 60 ads). Our brother blog, Heat Vision, called the studio spots "standard issue" and "indistinguishable" from each other. That's no way to spend $3 million, especially when it turned out that the game broke a 27-year viewing record. Yes, 106.5 million people watched the New Orleans Saints beat the Indianapolis Colts. We can't always expect an iconic ad like the Independence Day teaser back in '96 (aliens blew up the White House!), but we deserve better than CBS Films' The Back-Up Plan, which featured J. Lo and a lot of screaming. Some of that was mine.

—Posted by T.L. Stanley

Here's the Tiger Woods version of that Google search-stories ad

Wow, that was fast! A day after Google's "Parisian Love" search-stories ad ran on the Super Bowl, there's already a parody out there about Tiger Woods's search story. In the faux ad, Tiger searches "How to hide facial lacerations" and then "Escalade grille work" and then goes on to search his various mistresses and their possible STD histories, culminating with "Florida divorce attorneys." If the topic seems a bit shopworn, that's because the video was actually made in December and was a response to "Parisian Love" and other search-stories ads that were actually released on YouTube last fall. But since most people weren't aware of these ads until last night, now's the time to update. Satirists, it's time to whip up something with Obama searching "Tea party" or "Iran nukes" and then "Headache relief" or something along those lines.

—Posted by Todd Wasserman

Dodge wants you to man up and grow that nasty beard already

Chrysler's Dodge brand clearly wants to own the "manly" positioning for the car category. It's Super Bowl ad was a paean to masculinity under fire in a world where men are routinely asked to watch vampire shows with their wives, not to mention walk the dog. Now, the brand is taking things a step further with a beard-growing contest. "Be the master of your own face!" a Dodge press release announcing the program challenges. The contest, taking place on the not-all-that-butch Facebook, will reward one man who grows the most impressive "Super Beard" with a weekend for two at a Dodge Motorsports race of his choice. Guys have six weeks to grow their beards. The guy who gets the most votes on Facebook wins. Dodge's timing is good, too, since it dovetails with the Bearduary.

—Posted by Todd Wasserman

Movie studios not quite as enamored of the Super Bowl this year

The last time I watched an M. Night Shyamalan movie was when The Happening was nominated for multiple Razzie Awards. (I voted for it!) We'll all get a peek at his next effort on Sunday during the Super Bowl (see the trailer above for The Last Airbender). But only three studios decided to pony up as much as $3 million for 30-second spots this year. Every year, Hollywood's marketers debate the merits of advertising during the Big Game. It's too expensive, they say, and inefficient for movies launching months down the road. And yet, they usually buy, because they're afraid not to. This year's different, though, with few actually wading in. We can expect to see Disney's Alice in Wonderland, Prince of Persia and maybe Toy Story 3. Universal plans to tout The Wolfman, Robin Hood and potentially the 3-D comedy Despicable Me. Paramount, in addition to Airbender, will pump the long-awaited Shutter Island. Its third spot could go to Iron Man 2, which seems like overkill. Isn't everybody dying to see that anyway?

—Posted by T.L. Stanley

Miller Lite knows that every guy's true life partner is cheap beer

Just as surely as the diet and exercise ads hit with full force, the new year brings out droves of online dating service commercials starring a bunch of adorable faux fairy-tale couples. They're Soul Mates, get it? And if it hadn't been for eHarmony, Match.com or Chemistry, et al, they never would've found The One. The period between Christmas, New Year and Valentine's Day is especially packed with these smarmy testimonials, making this Miller Lite ad as fresh as an early spring breeze. Not only is it an eHarmony döppelganger in look and tone (I did a double-take when I realized it wasn't peddling a monthly membership), it's perfectly executed. Instead of being hopelessly devoted to his brunette beauty, it turns out the guy loves his beer above all else. The look on his face says he can't understand why that's a problem. Girlfriend sees it differently, storming off and leaving him with just his bottle of brew. Happy ending for her? She got rid of the lunkhead. For him? He's stuck with Miller Lite. Oh well, there's always the Internet.

—Posted by T.L. Stanley

SUXORZ celebrates the worst social-media marketing of the year

There are lots of awards for the best social-media campaigns, but what about the worst? Henry Copeland, CEO and founder of BlogAds, has jumped into that void with SUXORZ, an award show now in its third year that celebrates bad social-media advertising. Copeland met with Ian Schafer, Steve Hall, B.L. Ochman and Caroline McCarthy last night in New York to vote on a "winner." (The name SUXORZ, by the way, is teen slang for "this sucks," according to Copeland.) This year's champ? A billboard for a "Local 15" Alabama news program that included a Twitter feed, resulting in the awkward tweet "3 accused of gang rape in Monroeville," juxtaposed with a pic of the program's three anchors. Meanwhile, winners of individual rounds included "Crusty Armpit," a truly revolting campaign from a surprising source, Procter & Gamble's Old Spice, and Ryanair, which rewarded a helpful consumer by calling him an idiot. They joined past winners like Hewlett-Packard's PayPerPost campaign of 2007, in which the company subsidized bloggers for good buzz; and a 2008 campaign for PC peripherals maker Belkin, in which the company paid for good reviews. Congrats to the Local 15 crew. Maybe you could tweet news of this award?

—Posted by Todd Wasserman

Once-proud Toyota is learning what it feels like to be laughed at

Heard any good Toyota jokes lately? As the automaker admits yet another technical glitch (this time an alleged loss of braking ability with the Prius), comedians and would-be comedians are piling on. So far, the late-night comics, perhaps consumed with their own issues, have largely left Toyota alone, except for Jay Leno, who riffed on another incident: "Well, it happened again. Two Northwest pilots overshot Minneapolis Airport by 500 miles. They weren't in a plane, they were in a Toyota. It wouldn't stop." A site called DailyComedy.com suggested an alternate tagline for the Prius: "Making the world a better place. Even if you're not in it." And consumers in a Los Angeles Times story posited that Toyota stands for "This One You Oughta Tow Away." Not to be outdone, comedian Michael Nelson rolled out this semi-funny video of a putative Toyota spokesman named Beau Jangles who can no longer keep up the lies. "I can't do it," he says, whipping out a cigarette and a beer. "Oh really, it's my job to lie to people?" He then explains other Toyota defects. "The Camry was designed by a freshman at DeVry," he says. "It was a question on his midterm." Also, the Matrix has a blind spot so big that you have to ride with a seeing-eye dog. So far, not great, though I'm sure comedy writers are dreaming up Toyota zingers as you read this.

—Posted by Todd Wasserman

Method takes on the 800-pound gorilla in the fabric-care category

Method is taking aim at the big jugs in the laundry world with a print and digital campaign for its new "smartclean technology" pump-bottle detergent. The concept, developed in conjunction with ad agency Droga5 (yes, the same agency that created the super-viral "Shiny Suds" ad that Method then pulled), is that using bottled laundry detergent is the old and "wasteful" way of cleaning clothes. The company says you can clean 50 loads with its small bottle, featuring a high-powered, plant-based formula that uses 95 percent natural and renewable ingredients. "Say no to jugs" and enjoy "a jug-free America," read some of the Method's advertising lines. The goal is to shake up the way consumers have been doing laundry for years, says Method vp of brand experience Matthew Loyd. "We've been all buying laundry detergent on autopilot for decades," he says. "What we're offering is more than a revolutionary laundry experience. We are delivering a super powerful and concentrated detergent that is a replacement to the outdated, wasteful jug." Are you listening, Procter & Gamble? This is detergent war!

—Posted by Elaine Wong

Single brand of booze made by monks blamed for all Scottish ills

It's rare to see a news story rip a brand to bits quite like this New York Times piece on Buckfast Tonic Wine. Despite being made by Benedictine monks in England, Buckfast is apparently the trigger for all manner of sinful behavior in Scotland—the root cause, it seems, of almost all of that country's problems. Consider the data: In one survey, 43 percent of Scottish prisoners who'd committed a crime while drunk said they'd drunk Buckfast. In a study of litter at a housing project, 35 percent of the items turned out to be Buckfast bottles. And in a single Scottish police district, Buckfast was mentioned in 5,638 crime reports from 2006 to 2009, with the bottle used as a weapon in 114 of them. Critics say the drink, which offers a potent mixture of alcohol and caffeine that makes you both tipsy and bouncy, is a recipe for violence. "It'll blow your head off," says one man, not meaning that as a compliment. Plus, the stuff doesn't even taste good, evidently. "Have you ever tried Benalyn cough syrup?" says one person. Adds another, who drinks a lot of the stuff: "You get used to it." The best thing the reporter can say about the brand is that it "comes in an attractive bottle illustrated with a friendly-looking bunch of grapes." (Imagine if they had an animal on there.) The story's otherwise unfriendly stance would seem to be a problem for Buckfast, until you realize that a certain notoriety won't hurt sales one bit. In fact, after reading the piece, you find yourself thinking: Do they sell this stuff on this side of the pond?

—Posted by Tim Nudd

New Girl Scouts video celebrates the infinite power of the cookie

Leave it to the Girl Scouts to get us thinking about the power of the cookie. The youth organization has launched this ad on YouTube that gets people pondering about what good its cookies can do (aside from the fact that their Thin Mints are addictive, anyway). The ad, which consists of a simple musical backdrop and a series of thought-provoking question-and-answer texts, is vaguely reminiscent of Starbucks' go-vote election-themed effort. It asks questions like, "What is the largest business program led not by him, but by her, that raises millions of dollars for communities, and that produces more female business owners than most universities?" (Answer: Girl Scout cookies.) The ad goes on to highlight the cookie's virtues: "This cookie could help a girl provide a fresh change of clothes to a flood victim rushed to a shelter. Or cheer a soldier overseas." It ends with the tagline, "Every cookie has a mission: to help girls do great things." OK, we're touched. Bring on the cookies!

—Posted by Elaine Wong